Blue Gene Chronicles

Puppy Love

2010-04-21T12:00:00.001-07:00

"For the past two weeks, every time I call Dad he says he's running out the door." "He does seem to be tight lipped about his activities." Ira and Michael were trying to figure out what was up with Jacob when the door bell rang. It was Aaron.

"What's up with your Grandfather these days?" ira prodded. Aaron started to smile and then offered, "What do you mean?" It was obvious that Aaron had turned into Jacob's accomplis. He also lost his poker face. "I'm not supposed to say anything."

Both Ira and Michael crossed their arms and gave Aaron the look. The same look that Rebecca had developed to an art form. "Okay, but don't say anything, okay?" Ira and Michael smiled and agreed. It appeared that Jacob and his next door neighbor Lois had been keeping company. How serious could it be, Jacob had not even mentioned it - then Ira started to smile, "my Dad is Dating?!?"

"Remember, you promised you wouldn't say anything," Aaron said nervously. And they wouldn't.

A couple of weeks later, Jacob and Lois stopped by after dinner. Ira hadn't seen his Dad that happy in years. Regardless of where it went, one thing was for sure, after taking such great care of Rebecca, he deserved some happiness. Both Ira and Michael were happy for him.

The First Seder - Not Traditional

2010-03-20T23:52:00.000-07:00

Ira was preparing for their first Passover Seder for Jacob, Aaron, Michael and himself. There were lots of first as to why this night was different than all other nights. It was Aaron's first Seder. The first time all four were together for a meal in Ira and Michael's home, The first family meal prepared since Ira began his new eating plan and did not want to subject his family to anything but a great evening with great food.

Michael could sense the tension, "It's gonna be great!" "How can I make a Passover meal without matzo meal?" "You'll find a way," as Michael rubbed Ira's head.

Four hours later, the doorbell rang. Michael ushered in Jacob and Aaron. "Something smells wonderful," Jacob announced. "Don't expect too much," Ira replied. The three just looked at each other until Michael smiled, "He just wanted the dinner to be perfect." "He inherited that from his mother," Jacob smiled.

Ira had a beautiful Seder Plate with horseradish (bitter herbs), symbolizing the bitterness and harshness of the slavery which the Jews endured in Egypt. Charoset (apples, honey and nuts) representing the mortar used by the Jewish slaves to build the storehouses of Egypt. Parsley dipped in salt water, mirrors the pain felt by the Jewish slaves in Egypt, who could only eat simple foods. A chicken wing bone representing the Passover sacrifice. A hard boiled egg a symbol of mourning of the first sacrifice in Egypt.

Everyone sat down and Ira poured the Mogan David wine. Next to the Seder Plate was a stack of matzo and one piece of manna bread for Ira. Ira handed out 3 kippahs (scull caps) put one his on his head and the others followed. He then gave the blessing over the wine and everyone drank. He grabbed the matzo plate, took his manna bread and instructed everyone to take a piece of matzo. After the blessing, everyone took a bite. "Do you have any extra Charoset?" Jacob asked, I like that on my matzo. Ira was prepared and brought a big bowl.

Aaron asked "What is so special about Passover" Before Jacob could answer, Ira said, "When Pharaoh sentenced the first born of Israel to be sacrificed, God sent death to the first born of Egypt. The Jews put lambs blood on the doors of each home so that death would 'pass over' the first born of Israel. After this plague, Pharaoh released the Jews from bondage." Jacob looked at his son as if for the first time, he could not have been prouder.

The rest of the meal was good, but paled in comparison to the question and answer between father and son.

Did Someone say WERK!?!

2010-03-03T10:27:00.000-08:00

Without an education, Aaron's search for the perfect job is somewhat limited. Working for a gardener, busing tables at a pizza parlor, serving fast food at a hamburger joint, parking cars all proved to be disappointments. Finally a games arcade peaked his interest. Aaron was fascinated with video machines. But a career required an education and he hadn't even graduated high school.

He decided to talk to Ira about his offer. Ira was thrilled, and extremely supportive. Both he and Michael helped him prepare for his GED test. Aaron sometimes felt he was with Professor Higgins and Colonel Pickering, but when he passed his test, it was all worth it.

After exploring various local colleges and universities, Aaron chose The Art Institute in Los Angeles for Video Gaming Design and Programming. Aaron was accepted for Mid Term (with a little help from Ira and Michael). Aaron felt pride and excitement for the first time. He valued the opportunity Ira and Michael made possible.

The Mother, the Son, and the Ghosts

2010-03-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

It was hard for Ira Stone to believe that Aaron Lane was his son after his ex-wife Phyllis told him she had relations with his father. After all, Aaron had Jacob's Mezuzah. It was almost impossible to reconcile with Jacob, there had been a lifetime of hurt and disappointment on both sides, but Ira needed some closure. How ever it went, Ira had managed to rebuild his life after his stroke, and nothing could invalidate that.

Jacob came over one day, not expecting ghosts from the past to rise again, but they did. In a volatile exchange with Ira, this father and son reached an understanding. It would take a lot of work, but for the first time everything was on the table and it wasn't hidden behind irreconcilable expectations.

Ira came to accept that Aaron was his son. A bit of research on Nexus Lexis gave him insight as to how broken he really was. Phyllis's years of drug and alcohol abuse, violent relationships, felonies, suicide attempts, etc. There was no question that Aaron learned his behavior from example.

Aaron's counselor arranged a group session for Ira, Michael, Jacob and Aaron. It was important to begin healing everyone's wounds. The ghosts needed to be buried in order for a healthy multi-generational reconciliation to begin. Everyone would be responsible for building trust if this family was to begin functioning. To start, Ira offered Aaron the opportunity to continue his education. Ira recognized that this might have been a bit premature for Aaron, and allowed him to be the architect of his own life, supporting him in any way he could. And that is the greatest gift any father can give his son.

Fathers and Sons?!?

2010-03-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

The California Supreme Court's Proposition 8 Decision created another subclass of the Gay and Lesbian Community. Those that were married during the prior year's window before Proposition 8 passed would continue to be married, however, no new same sex marriages could be performed. This was bitter/sweet for Ira and Michael. They were still legally married, but their friends who wanted to get married could not.

Jacob lost any tolerance he had for Ira and Michael once the California Supreme Court announced it's decision. There was very little communication until Rebecca's One Year Dedication. Jacob was furious that Michael came to the Cemetery. Ira had lost all hope that he and his father would ever reconcile their differences.

The trip home was silent. Michael tried to soften the days events but Ira was just so tired of never feeling good enough. Once home they were greeted by a stranger. That stranger turned out to be Aaron Lane, Phyllis Lane's son. Apparently while Ira and Michael began their life together after the divorce, Phyllis' life spiraled into drug and alcohol abuse. Aaron was born after his father moved away.

The combination of Aaron's anger and rage along with the disillusion of Ira's remaining relationship with his own father and two volatile meetings caused Ira to have a stroke. As always, Michael was there to support the love of his life in any way he could.

Lost and Found and Lost Again.

2010-03-02T17:02:00.000-08:00

What a validation to hear "By the power vested in me by the State of California I pronounce you legally married." Ira and Michael went to the Beverly Hills Courthouse and exchanged their vows in front of a few friends followed by an open house where nearly 100 well wishers gave their support. It was no surprise that although he was invited, Jacob never showed. He did mail, email and left voice messages regarding the campaign for Proposition 8 following the wedding.

In October, Ira had his last visit with his Mom. Her eyes were closed and she looked so peaceful. He held her hand, kissed it, and told her it was okay to let go. "Nothing Bad is going to happen, I promise" he told her. She died the next day.

The funeral was beautiful, as was Rebecca's life. The Rabbi was able to capture her essence and even read an essay that she had written about love before her stroke. Jacob had asked Ira to give the eulogy and was touched by his description of his Mother's life. He even credited his Father for the years of tireless caregiving and devotion he gave his wife.

Within a few weeks after the funeral, Ira's and Jacob's relationship returned to normal. In fact, when Proposition 8 passed, there was no none was more delighted than Jacob Stone. He reveled in the thought that all 18,000 same sex marriages that were performed in months prior, were in threat of being valid.

Home Sweet Home ... NOT!

2010-03-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Those famous words "We always talk about remodeling the house, let's just do-it!" are not easy words to process. Michael left Ira in charge, being the creative one in the house. There were probably at least 100 drawings, color charts, building material catalogs and samples and finally when Ira was ready to pull the last few hairs out of his head, Michael said, "I like it!"

Preparing plans and filing for permits was the next stage. Naturally, the Department of Building and Safety like Father 'knows best!" Two months of engineering consultants, compromise, alterations and compliance and finally the plans were approved. There was only going to be one wall left standing, the North wall. Everything was new: plumbing, heating/air conditioning, electrical, gas, windows/doors, roof, kitchens/baths, garage, guesthouse, landscaping, and more.

A neighbor had suggested their general contractor who ended up being hired for the year long project. Ira and Michael would often say "A woman could never live through this mess!" That plus no privacy was almost impossible. One early Saturday morning, debris fell on the happy couple while sleeping. They both opened their eyes at the same moment, only to discover the roof was gone and one of the workman was waving hello. At this point, Ira moved his home office to a little space a mile away.

It was hardly worth it to take a shower. Both Ira and Michael would have to walk outside and go into the guesthouse bathroom (the only working bathroom). Walk through dirt and dust (or mud if it had been raining) and get dress looking worse than before the shower. Sheana didn't have it easy either. Her whole world was turned upside down.

But at the end, it was totally worth it. It was more than was expected. A great place for friends and family. The house could even accommodate 10 people for overnight including Ira and Michael. It was a great place to entertain and the guys had many opportunities to do so.

We're Parents!

2010-03-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

On his way to a client meeting, Ira noticed a little brown and white puppy walking on the side of the street. He pulled over to see if it had tags, but on approach, the puppy scurried off.

Later that day, the same puppy was sitting with Michael and a bowl of water, "Looks like we have a house guest," Ira smiled. "Did it have any tags?" "None." "We should put up some posters and call the shelter to see if he's lost." "You mean if 'she' is lost."

Over the next two weeks, no one claimed her, so Ira named her Sheana. It wasn't long before their whole world revolved around their four legged daughter.

On several visits to see Rebecca, the guys brought Sheana who loved to give kisses to her Grandmother. The visits were great and always the high point of their Mom's day. She would gently pet her visitor laying next to for hours. Sheana was content to relax with Rebecca for as long as the visit lasted. It was great therapy for everyone, real quality of life.

When Ira was planting a new Hibiscus in the back yard, Sheana was underfoot, So she was placed in the dog run till the project was completed. Later that day when Ira wanted to show Michael his afternoon project, all that was left was a short stalk and two leaves. Ira turned to face Sheana who was actually smiling, she was so pleased with herself for protecting her family from the evil plant. All anyone could do was laugh out loud.

Their life would never be the same.

Gay Divorce?

2010-03-02T11:10:00.001-08:00

Ira and Michael read a Domestic Partner Notification together.

"Effective January 1, 2005, California's law related to the rights and responsibilities of registered domestic partners will change. With this new legislation, for purposes of California law, domestic partners will have a great many new rights and responsibilities, including laws governing community property, those governing property transfer, those regarding duties of mutual financial support and mutual responsibilities for certain debts to third parties, and many others. The way domestic partnerships are terminated is also changing. After January 1, 2005, under certain circumstances, it will be necessary to participate in a dissolution proceeding the court to end a domestic partnership."

They looked at each other and said "Gay Divorce?" They couldn't believe this with the Federal Marriage Protection Amendment being introduced by 22 Republican co-sponsors. This would take Clinton's "Defense of Marriage Act" in 1996 to a whole new level. It's hard to imagine being happy, sad, surprised, angry and amused all at the same time, but that was exactly how same sex couples who wanted to be married, felt.

Ira and Michael both knew that the fight for Civil Rights was a combination of revolution and evolution. Changes take time. When they look back over their years together, they were both thankful for how far they had both come as individuals, as a couple, and as a community. One day they would be able to be married and not have to think about where they lived might effect their status as a couple.

Aphasia with Dementia - Looks like Altzheimer's Disease to Me.

2010-03-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

Ira and Michael were having breakfast and reading the LA Times.

June 5 – Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States, dies at his home in Bel-Air, California at the age of 93.

All Ira could do is think about his Mom. Her bad days were beginning to outnumber her good ones. There were times that she would not even recognize Ira unless Michael was at his side. The doctors said that Aphasia with Dementia were very similar to Altzheimer's Disease.

Ira and Michael walked onto the home that Saturday. Rebecca was in her bed with an oxygen mask. Jacob was holding her hand. As soon as Michael saw Jacob he said "I'll wait for you in the lobby," as he immediately left.

"How is she?" "Not good. I'll leave you with her for a while, we can talk later." Ira walked over and held his Mother's hand. Her eyes didn't open at all during the visit.

Jacob was waiting for him in the hall. "I should probably start making plans, just in case." "What ever you decide will be fine Dad," and Ira started walking away. Jacob reached out., "This isn't easy for me you know." "I know." and Ira walked away.

On the way home Michael asked about the visit. Ira explained in a very detached way. "I just can't buy into his drama anymore. No matter what I say it's gonna be wrong so I choose to say nothing. It's better that way." And that was that!

Later that evening the phone rang and neither Ira nor Michael picked it up. They knew it was Jacob, although, he did not leave a message.

20 Years and Counting.

2010-03-01T17:23:00.000-08:00

At a large table in private area at Cafe Bijou, 20 people celebrated Ira and Michael's 20th Anniversary. The wine glasses were filled and clanking. The food was delicious and abundant. The toasts ranged from inspiring to knee slapping.

Michael stood up with his glass raised. "I have loved, fought, laughed, and cried with this man. He is the love of my life." Ira just sat there smiling with tears rolling down his face. It was rare for Michael to verbalize his feelings in private, let alone in front of 18 friends.

When they got home, they snuggled lovingly while Barbra Streisand's "People" played on the CD player.

The phone rang and Michael picked up it up. "Hi Robyn, hows everyone?" The was some silence followed by "I am so sorry ... When is the funeral?" Ira watched nervously. At the end of the phone call, "David was killed in Iraq, the body will be in Chicago at the end of the week for the funeral." "Oh my God! I will book our flights in the morning."

It was impossible to think about their 20 years together when Michael's sister Robyn lost her husband after only 8 years. Michael just sobbed as Ira held him strongly.

Michael held on to his sister and her 7 year old daughter Samantha. It was a military funeral and the American Flag was draped over David's coffin. At the end of the service, Robin was handed the folded flag. Tears ran down her face as her expression remained stoic. All David's parents could do is hold each other, for there is no greater loss than one of a child, no matter at what age.

A Little Piece of Paper!

2010-03-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

"I know it's only a little piece of paper, but I feel like our relationship has been validated," Ira told Michael. "I want to show Mom when we visit tomorrow." "I'm not sure she will understand., Michael offered. "Doesn't matter."

The next day on their visit, Ira pulled the document out of the envelope and held it in front of Rebecca. "We're married Mom," Ira said softly. She smiled and grabbed both Ira's and Michael's hands. "Finally!" she said with a big grin.

Of course at that precise moment, Jacob entered the room. Before Ira could put the document in the envelope, Jacob grabbed it. "What's this? ... The two of you are disgusting." Rebecca looked down and began to cry. "Way to go Dad, eight words and you took the smile off her face and replaced it with tears."

Jacob turned around and left the room. "Don't worry Mom, he just got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." Her smile did not return the rest of the visit no matter how hard Ira and Michael tried.

When they got home their was a long message on the answering machine. Jacob left instructions regarding their visits being limited to Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. "He is such a pain in the ass!" Ira sighed. "Why don't you call him and tell him his behavior is unacceptable." "I just don't want to fight anymore, it's just easier to limit our visits." "He doesn't have the right to do that." "Let's not talk about it anymore, okay?" as Ira went into his home office. Michael just shook his head. He was just so tire of Jacob's tantrums.

A week later, Ira was looking for their domestic partnership and asked Michael if he had seen it. Michael just smiled and pointed to the wall. He had framed it and hung it on the wall. "I love you too!" Ira smiled.

The Sky is Falling.

2010-03-01T14:26:00.000-08:00

The phone rang at 6:45 a.m. Ira picked up the phone "Chris, what's wrong?" "Turn on your TV!" Ira grabbed the remote and could not believe his eyes. Was this a movie, or...? The World Trade Center towers were burning and the voiceover announced the attack.

Many of Ira's and Michael's friends and family that lived in New York were suffering from Post Dramatic Stress Syndrome for more than 2,800 people died including nearly company staff. firefighters, paramedics, NYPD officers, Port Authority police officers, and others.

Ira and Michael flew in to NYC in November and stayed with friends Chris and Tim. From their living room window, he rubble where the WTC once stood, predominated the view. How could they not be depressed with the constant reminder of friends and family lost memorialized in their window pane.

There was a totally different energy walking on the streets than six months prior during their last visit. "I don't know what I was expecting..." Ira said softly to Michael. "... I can't even imagine how it would feel to wake up to this every morning and be the last thing you see every night. I am so overwhelmed." "Me too."

Chris and Tim were invited to LA to get a break from all of the sorrow, but they declined, "Our family and friends need us right now, maybe in a few months.

Once home, Ira and Michael were greeted with their own sorrow. Rebecca had developed several infections at the home and Hospice was fighting with all kinds of medicine and salves. On a visit or two, they arrived at the same time as Jacob, and although there was tension in the air, everyone was on their best behavior in order to avoid confrontation.

After a couple of Months, she was much better and able to get out of bed to go to the dinning room. Anything that would add some quality of life was a good thing, Ira thought.

Y2K

2010-01-11T12:24:00.001-08:00

Rebecca Stone was now in a nursing home. Jacob's efforts as her caregiver and advocate were tireless. Ira and Michael found it easier to visit when Jacob was not their. Jacob and Ira's relationship had degraded to nearly non existant. Ira chose to focus on work rather than his relationship with his Father. Nothing gets you over drama like more drama!

One of Ira's clients, Security Pacific Bank, was working round the clock in preparation for midnight on December 31, 1999. It was believed that the entire computer revolution might crash. This is when the clocks inside the computers will turn the abbreviated year "99" to "00." The computers will read it as the year 1900. It will cause the computer to malfunction.

Security Pacific's biggest concern was that It may also mess up the bank accounts. Their customers may not get the right amount of money back when they withdraw money after the year 2000. This problem is called the "millennium bug" the "year 2000 bug" or the "Y2K bug."

Additionally, the lights might fail, or the factories might shut down because of the Y2K bug. To fix the Y2K bug, it could reach up to $300,000,000,000 to $600,000,000,000. Until the year 2000, no one knew exactly what would happen when the computers think its the year 1900. Luckily all the preparation paid off. When the New Year was ushered in, it was a happy and safe one.

Life Can Change in a Second, Part 2

2010-01-11T11:59:00.001-08:00

Jacob went to get the mail while Rebecca was enjoying a cup of tea. Upon his return, she was on the floor. Her whole body was shaking with tremors. It almost looked as though she was having another stroke. "Becca, Rebecca," Jacob Shouts, "Not again!" Dialing 911, "I need an ambulance!"

Ira picks up the phone, "I'm leaving now." "What's wrong?" Michael asked. "It's Mom!" Both ran to the car and left within seconds.

Upon arrival, Ira and Michael found Jacob with his face cupped by his hands, sobbing. "Dad...." Ira gently placed is hand on Jacob's shoulder. "I've lost her..."

The doctor came to the waiting room. "Only one can visit Mrs. Stone at a time. Before you go in, you need to know there is severe brain damage. Her stroke last year really compromised her Neural Pathways and this Seizure took it's tole on her. We won't know her prognosis for at least 72 hours. All we can do now is wait."

"Dad, Michael and I will wait here while you go in to see Mom." "I can't take this - will you go in?" And with a simple nod, Ira followed the doctor to his Mother's bed.

All Ira could do is hold her hand. Her eyes were closed, she was as pale as a ghost, and didn't make even the slightest movements. After about a half hour, he walked out to his Father. "She's peaceful Dad. Do you want to see her now?" I can't, I just can't." The three of them sat there for hours until the sun set. Ira and Michael suggested getting a bite to eat, but Jacob would not leave. "What if your Mother needs me?" "We'll pick you up something and be back soon.

Upon their return, the doctor was talking with Jacob. "We are preparing your Wife's room and she will be transfered in about a half an hour..." "Dad, try to eat something..." Jacob grabbed the package and just held it. "I asked God to watch over your Mother, that I would take anyway I can get her..." God answered Jacob's prayers, Rebecca survived. But in the years to come, he would regret that request.

Life Can Change in a Second!

2009-11-19T09:35:00.000-08:00

Ira held his Mother's hand. He would never forget the look of fear in her eyes when she realized that she could not speak or move. All Jacob could do is pray, "God, I will take her any way you give her to me, please don't take my Becca away," as he sobbed. Ira held his father. He never saw him so emotional before.

They were at the hospital every day, and finally on the forth day as Jacob was pacing a rut in the floor, Rebecca said, "please sit down." Caught off guard, Ira and Jacob looked at each other and began laughing with happiness. She was now ready to begin speech, occupational and physical therapies.

Rebecca had always been meticulous about her hair and make-up, almost on the other side of obsessive-compulsive. Her drive to always look her best, supercharged her occupational therapy. Within a week, she was able to apply her make-up as flawlessly as before her stroke. Her speech and physical therapies were a bit slower process, but eventually, Rebecca began to start doing things for herself.

As in many stroke survivors, Rebecca ended up with Aphasia from the neural pathway damage that occurred during her stoke and effected her waking and speech. She would think she was saying one thing but often it had nothing to do with her intended message. Ira would come over several times a week using flash picture cards in an effort to help his Mom rebuild those pathways. Jacob would do the shopping and run other errands during his visits so that Rebecca was not left at home alone unnecessarily. His efforts were tireless. In addition to doing all the cooking and cleaning, Jacob would work with his Becca on the homework that both the speech and physical therapists given him.

Finally, after several months, Michael, Ira, and his parents celebrated Rebecca's recovery with a long weekend in Las Vegas. Rebecca enjoyed her dollar slots, Ira and Jacob were at the Black Jack tables, and Michael passed his time on the nickel slots. Saturday evening they ate at a steakhouse and saw Wayne Newton's show.

The tally at the end of the weekend showed that Michael had the biggest win of $1,400. "How is that even possible?" Ira asked, "you were on nickel slots." "I guess I'm lucky I guess," Michael smiled.

London Weekend

2009-11-08T20:57:00.000-08:00

Ira and Michael's eyes were glued to the news " Today, Princess Diana, Princess of Whales, died in a car accident. Her chauffeur hit a bridge post in a Paris tunnel. The car was traveling at 100 miles per hour. The only two survivors were the driver and the bodyguard of Diana. Both of them were wearing seat belts. Diana and Dodi Fayed, were not wearing seat belts."

"Oh my God ... I can't believe this," Ira cried, "people around the world will mourn her death." "I think we should go to the funeral." "Do you really want to?" "Yah, we should go."

Over the next few days, they followed the sorted royal family laundry on the BBC as decisions were made for the funeral. Finally the location was announced, Westminster Abbey on September 6th.

Making travel plans last minute was a nightmare, but Ira had a connection at Marriott Corporate and got accommodations at the London Marriott Hotel Country Hall on Victoria Street, fairly close to Westminster Abbey.

Arriving on the fifth gave Ira and Michael time rest from their rushed travels. On the sixth, the four-mile journey from Kensington Palace to Westminster Abbey, Diana's casket, itself was followed by her sons, her brother, her ex-husband Prince Charles, her ex-father-in-law Prince Philip, and five representatives from each of 110 charities Diana had supported. Ira and Michael had a good view even the the streets were lined with millions of people.

The service was attended by celebrities and political figures. Diana's two sisters spoke at the service, and her brother, Lord Spencer, delivered an address that praised Diana and blamed the media for her death.

Elton John, whom Diana had comforted at Gianni Versace's funeral less than six weeks earlier, adapted his song about Marilyn Monroe's death, "Candle in the Wind," retitling it "Goodbye, England's Rose."

An estimated 2.5 billion watched the funeral on television, about half the people on earth.

When they arrived home, Ira and Michael were physically and emotionally drained. "The world seems so different without her," Ira said softly. Michael just held him as he sobbed.

Mom and Dad !?!

2009-11-07T19:50:00.000-08:00

Ira grabbed the mail from their mailbox and started sorting through the envelopes. "Michael, a letter from your sister." as he walked back in through the front door. Michael grabbed the envelope and tore it open. Ira read it over his shoulder.

Hi Michael - Gary and I are getting married on September 1st.
Will you and Ira to stand up together for us? Dad and Mom
have been getting along real well planning this for us and
they want you both here too. Let me know. Love, Robyn

"Looks like we are going to Chicago ... what's wrong?" "I haven't talked to my Father since we moved to LA," Michael said looking down. "Well you are overdue, besides, sounds like everyone is getting along." "Yah, it sounds that way, but..." 'It'll be fine, you'll see.

And Ira was right. When they arrived at O'Hare, Robyn and David were waiting for them at the gate. "Mom and Dad are parked right in front," Robyn announced. Michael gave Ira a long and silent look that translated to "I am not ready for this!"
Ira put his arm around Michael and gave him a tug.

The ride to the North Shore Hilton was surreal. Robert and Loraine Davis bantered as though they were the ones getting married instead of being divorced for 19 years. On the way home, Robyn explained that Michael and Ira were the Maid of Honor and the Groomsman. "Which one am I?" Ira joked. "I'm not sure," Michael answered. "Don't worry, neither one of you are wearing a dress,"Robyn laughed. That was definitely and icebreaker and broke all tension.

The wedding was intimate, about 50 people and beautiful in every detail. Seven round tables of eight including the head table. Michael and Ira watched the bride and groom have their first dance. Soon all four parents joint on the floor. Robyn motioned to her brothers to join in but Michael shook his head, so she grabbed Michael's hand and Loraine reached for Ira. All the guests joined the dance floor. There was a quick shuffle of partners when Ira and Michael were left standing while everyone was dancing. "Oh, what the hell ..." and they started to dance as well.

By the time everyone left, the wedding party could barely stand. Robert announced they would have breakfast the next day. Morning came very quickly, too quickly in fact. Robert and Loraine, Robin and Gary and his parents were all at the table as Michael and Ira arrived. Memosas were poured and then Robert stood up and looked at Loraine, "Should we tell them Lainey?" she just smiled. All mouths dropped when they announced they were getting re-married. "When ... how..?" Michael stammered. "Does it really matter, as long as we're happy." "Congratulations!" Ira offered.

Michael seemed to be in a daze the rest of their visit. But on the way home, he was more peaceful that Ira had ever seen him.

Snow, Ice, and a Funeral

2009-10-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

Every time Rebecca's Aunt Flora was upset with Uncle Bernard, she would threaten, "You think I'm cold now, wait! You will have to trudge through snow and ice for my funeral!" Well, she kept her promise. The ground was so hard they could not dig the grave for her funeral. Everyone, including Ira and Michael who had long since experienced Chicago Winters, had to slip and slide through the snow covered ice.

Usually funerals are a sad time, but everyone knew that Aunt Flora had the last word, and all they could do is laugh out loud.

After the funeral, with the casket still sitting on raisers, everyone went to the Shiva house to comfort Uncle Bernard, even though he was musing repeatedly about his wife's final statement.

When Michael and the Stones were at the airport to catch their return flight to Los Angeles, the flurries were so strong that all flights were delayed. "A bunch of pussys, afraid of a little snow," Jacob sighed. Rebecca and the boys just looked at each other and laughed. "What's so funny? Jacob questioned. "You Dad".

By the time they got home, a storm front had hit Los Angeles, and although it was raining, it was still 65 degrees which suited everyone. "Good thing your Aunt didn't live in L.A." "Don't tell me you can't take a little Snow Jack," Rebecca chucked.

Every year following, Rebecca would threaten Jacob, "You better watch it or you'll have to trudge through snow and ice for my funeral too!"

Pride In Our Differences

2009-10-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

It was 25 years since the Stonewall Riots of 1969. In those days, gay bars were regularly raided by the police. But on June 27, 1969, the patrons of The Stonewall Inn had had enough. As the police raided the bar, a crowd of four hundred patrons gathered on the street outside and watched the officers arrest the bartender, the doorman, and a few drag queens.

The crowd, which eventually grew to an estimated 2000 strong, was fed up. Something about that night ignited years of anger at the way police treated gay people. Chants of “Gay Power!” echoed in the streets. Soon, beer bottles and trash cans were flying. Police reinforcements arrived and attempted to beat the crowd away, but the angry protesters fought back.

Ira and Michael were proud to do their part in the fight against discrimination, especially honoring the memory of Stonewall, which turned out to be a pivotal moment in the Gay Rights Movement. They volunteered every year for the Gay Freedom Day Parade, But in 1994 there was a change, and more than just the new name of Gay Pride Day Parade.

Watching the parade from the bleechers, when Rebecca passed Ira and Michael as she and the rest of the even PFLAG group marched by, her boys ran up and joined her arm in arm. "Does Dad know your here?" "I'm sure he does now," as she pointed to the news camera crew.

Those Men in Uniforms

2009-10-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

July 19 – U.S. President Bill Clinton announces his 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy regarding gays in the American military. Although it was all that could be done at the time, Ira and Michael felt betrayed. "It's better that way, it's nobody's business," Jacob said over the phone. It was one of those subjects that they could not talk about, so Ira swallowed and kept his mouth shut.

"Your not surprised by his views are you?" "No" "Then shake it off, there are bigger fish to fry than your Dad." "Your right, it's just..." "What?" Ira just sat down and buried his head in the Los Angeles Times. "You know you are more like him that you realize." "Can we not discuss this now?" Ira finished the conversation.

The next day, Ira and Michael went to the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center to volunteer their services. They knew that the best way to move things forward was to help the community at large. When they got home that evening, Rebecca Stone was sitting in her Buick in front of their house. "Everything okay Mom?", Ira asked. "Can I spend the night?" Ira and Michael looked at each other, "Sure, why?" "Your Father is driving me crazy and I don't want to risk doing something stupid. He is done enough of that for the both of us."

They all walked in the house and the phone rang. Ira picked it up. "Is your Mother there?" "Yes." "Good." and then Jacob hung up. "What did he want?", Rebecca asked. "You." "Okay" and with that she turned around and went home. "Well at least I know where you get your inner Drama Queen," Michael laughed.

Jacob and Michael, Oh My!

2009-10-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

There wasn't question who was getting the Stone-Davis vote for President in 1992. Bill Clinton was the only choice, and not solely because he was the Democratic Party candidate, he was the best man for the job.

It was one of the few times when everyone could sit at the same dinner table and totally agree on anything. Ira and Rebecca could only stare when Jacob put his arm around Michael's shoulder as he got up from the dinner table.

On November 3rd, Bill Clinton defeated incumbent U.S. President George H. W. Bush and businessman H. Ross Perot. Jacob was so happy, he invited Ira and Michael out for a celebratory victory dinner. After the meal, Michael offered to the server, "I'll take that..." "Don't be ridiculous, we invited you boys out, it's on us, " Jacob insisted. "Thanks Dad," Ira Chimed in. Rebecca felt like she was having an out of body experience, but just sat quiet and smiled sweetly, she did not want to do anything to ruin the moment.

Jacob's generosity was just like Chicago weather, it change with a gust of wind. Ira and Michael enjoyed it while it lasted.

San Francisco, Open Your Golden Gates!

2009-10-23T22:58:00.001-07:00

It was Friday morning when Ira and Michael lazily awoke. "Happy Anniversary, Love," as Ira reached over and gave Michael a kiss. "Ummmmm, back at yah Sugar Bear."

They were all pack and ready for San Francisco. After a quick shit, shower and shave, the packed up the Benz, locked up the house and left for the weekend. Since it was only a weekend, Ira decided to take Interstate 5, which was his personal Autobahn.

They stayed at a cute B&B on South Van Ness called "The Inn San Francisco." It was a restored Victorian that was as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. Once settled, the walked across Market Street for dinner and ambiance in the "Castro."

The weekend was perfect. They even had an art faire featuring local artists. Of coarse the scenery surrounding the fine art was as interesting as the art pieces themselves. The Boys would be back soon for another visit.

It's A Big Universe Out There

2009-10-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

"Ira, it's Mom on the phone, hurry!" Ira picks up the extension, "Is everything okay?" Your Dad just had a car accident..." 'We're leaving now, are you home or at the hospital?" "Cedars Emergency, I am so scared..." "Everything is going to be okay," Michael added, "We're on our way."

When they arrived, Rebecca was sobbing. "What happened?" Ira asked as he held his Mother tightly." "That stupid man didn't see the car coming. He has been procrastinating on his cataract surgery." "That's Dad for yah, always hanging tough."

The doctor came out and said Jacob was fine, but they were going to keep him overnight as a precaution. "Come on Mom, let's go see him." "I'll wait here," Michael offered. "Nonsense, I need both my boys with me when I chew him out. The three of them walked in and there was Jacob, flirting with a nurse looking like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"What the hell are you doing Jack?" Rebecca shouted. "Oh, this is...." "Not the nurse, your eyes!" she said impatiently. "Ahhhhh, well..." "On our way home tomorrow, you are calling Dr. Sharpe and you are making an appointment to have those damn cataracts removed." "Becca..." "Don't, Becca, me Jacob." and then she shot her husband the look, you know the one. Either you do as I say, or I will make your life a living hell.

Michael had never witnessed the power of the "look" before, and was quite impressed.
"Hey Dad, before you know it you'll be able to see as good a looking at images from the Hubble telescope." Jacob just shook his head, he knew he was out numbered and it was a no win situation.

Jacob had his surgery and was already recovered to see the first pictures of planets and other space objects taken by the Hubble telescope. "Wow, it's a big universe out there," he commented.

Humpty Dumpty Sat on the Wall.

2009-10-12T17:10:00.001-07:00

The Berlin Wall began it's construction during the Cold War and began to come down on November 9th, following the conclusion of an international press conference in East Berlin, when greater freedom of travel was announced for people of the German Democratic Republic.

One of Ira's first memories was the night of August 13 of 1961, the East and Western halves of Berlin were separated by barbed wire fences. Over the next few days, troops began to replace the barbed wire with permanent concrete blocks. The government authorities deemed it necessary to stop the influx of people moving from the eastern sector of Berlin into the free West.

The London Herold said "Beginning of the end for Communism."

Ira was so moved by the event, he called his father. "Dad, did you hear about the Berlin Wall?" "Yes, you were just four years old when they built it to divide East and West Berlin." "I remember, we were watching TV on your birthday." "So many people died because of that wall." "I know Dad, but its a new era, you should be very happy. Michael and I are happy." "I should be happy? Well, as long as you two are, right, that's all that matters. You have no idea how I feel." And then the phone went dead.

"Why do I even bother?" "What's wrong now?" Michael asked. Ira just shook his head, "Next time I have an urge to connect with my Dad, please discourage it." "OK."

We're Moving In!

2009-10-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

"I'll get it," as Michael picked up the phone. "Can I talk to both of you?" Rebecca asked. "Sure ... Ira, pick up the phone, it's Mom." "Hi Mom, what's Up?" "Your Dad sold the business and we want to move to California." Ira had mixed feelings, he definitely wanted Rebecca to move, but was hoping Jacob would stay in Illinois and visit occasionally. "Great, what's your ETA?" "We have to sell our house yet, I am guessing about three to four months." "Will you guys be buying a house or renting?" "We were thinking about a house in Santa Monica" Ira thought, that could work well, close but not too close.

Mom's guesses were always right. Three months to the day she called her boys and said the house had closed, the movers picked everything up and they were on their way. Michael and Ira were relieved to discover that the Stones had even rented a furnished apartment till they found their new home and moved in.

A couple of weeks later, they all met for dinner on the Third Street Promenade. Surprisingly, Jacob was extremely pleasant which made Ira concerned. He even grabbed the bill which bewildered Michael. Rebecca was her usual FABULOUS self, recanting their adventures on the road to Santa Monica.

Ira and Michael's hunches were correct, payback was hell! All of the Jacob's belongings arrived a few days later. When Ira called his folks to find out where to send the truck, his father said, "just store them in your garage, and consider ourselves square." "Square," what the hell for, Ira asked Michael. "I suppose for dinner in Santa Monica," he replied.

Of course their stuff didn't only fill the garage, it also filled the spare bedroom, living room, dining room and attic! This motivated Ira to help his folks find a home, and fast! When the moving van eventually picked everything up, they though it was the perfect time for a vacation, a long, peaceful, vacation.

Jacob's Ladder!

2009-10-04T19:53:00.001-07:00

After a three week transatlantic holiday, Ira returned to a new boss at Leo Burnett. The 23 year old son of the branch's Vice President and General Manager. Now at the age of 31, Ira found himself to be antiquated by this young kid who was still wet behind the ears. And yet, his employment was terminated in the middle of promoting Huey Lewis' hit title, "Jacob's Ladder."

Michael knew something was wrong when he came home that Friday. He found Ira stuffing his face with 2 McDonald's Quarter Pounders, french fries and a chocolate shake. "Are you okay?" "Sure, I'm doing research for my new job!"

Once Ira got past the hurt and anger, he realized that his job was extremely stressful and it just wasn't fun anymore. Michael encouraged him to start freelancing. "With your talent, you will find lots of work." And he was right. Over the weekend, they took the front bedroom and transformed it into an office, complete with desks, files, computers, printers, copiers, faxes, phones and supplies. On Monday, Ira called an agency to find an assistant and he was off and running.

Before the end of the week, he had picked up Jons Market, a local grocery store chain. This was right up Ira's alley, marketing, advertising and a fifteen percent discount on groceries to sweeten the pie (no pun intended).

Slowly, Ira picked up more retail merchants and this made Michael happy too. There was much less travel for Ira and more quality time together. Ira was no longer full of stress, and usually would have dinner waiting for him when he came home from the hospital.

On one particular evening the lights were off and a bunch of candles lit the dining room. There were two wine glasses and a bottle of their favorite Merlot. Ira comes out with a beautiful rack of lamb, roasted baby red potatoes, creamed spinach, and a home made carrot cake. "What's the occasion?" "Leo Burnett just offered me my job back." "What did you tell them?" "Thanks, but no thanks." Michael ran up and squeezed all the air out of Ira. "I love you." Ira smiled and replied "So I guess that was the right answer to give them, huh?" "You did good Babe!"

I Commit Myself To You!

2009-09-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

After dinner at Capones in West Hollywood, the waiter brought two more glasses of Merlot. Michael toasted to Ira's new business venture, freelance marketing and creative direction "clink". As the wine glasses began to empty, Ira noticed something shinny at the bottom, "what's this?" Michael smiled, "I think we are overdue for a commitment ceremony, what do you think?" "I think you are absolutely right."

A wedding band was in each of the glasses. "I already found the Rabbi," Michael chuckled. The fact that a Catholic got a Rabbi for a Gay commitment ceremony boggled Ira's mind. Of course, he was Jewish and loved Christmas, so they were evenly matched.

After meeting with the Rabbi, and setting the date, lots of plans had to be made. Nothing made Ira happier than planning a celebration. Although this was not a legal marriage, it was much more real than his marriage to Phyllis.

Finally, the day arrived and it was perfect, a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The setting was at a friends estate on Mount Olympus, with an incredible view of the city. Michael had another surprise up his sleeve. When they came out and walked towards the Chuppah, Rebecca Stone was holding up one of the corners of the Tallis on a canopy pole. Ira started to cry and didn't stop until he crushed the glass with his right foot. Another surprise was that the Reformed Jewish Movement recognized their union as a marriage explained the Rabbi as she signed a Ketubah.

Now it was party time. On the top of the cake were two teddy bears in matching tuxes (this was before you could buy two grooms or brides). Three layers of heaven. Feeding each other cake and kissing to clanking wine glasses made this day even more joyous. Ira and Michael felt love and support. They would remember this day, always.

I'm Not Back!

2009-09-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

Michael was not sure he wanted to go back to Skokie for Ira's tenth reunion, however, after much coaxing and bribery about staying at the Hotel Orrington in Evanston, he conceded. It was all worth it. Their room and view of Lake Michigan was amazing. They arrived a few days early to enjoy the city.

Rebecca Stone wanted her boys to stay with them on their trip home, however, she understood why they wanted to stay in a hotel. It was one thing for Jacob to be under the same roof in California, and another in his home. Instead, they all met at the Art Institute on Thursday morning, had lunch at the Artist's Snack Shop on Michigan Avenue. Dinner at the Conrad Hilton, and a live production of Cats at the Shubert Theatre. It was a wonderful day and enjoyed by all.

Friday night was the Niles North Class of '74 reunion at the Skokie Hilton. A lot of Ira's classmates asked Michael who he was. The first few times, he joked and said, "Your class president," but he soon tired of that and would simply say "I'm Ira's partner." The "Where are alumni now" section of the reunion booklet listed them as "Longtime Companions even though Ira had given "Life Partners" on the information form sent in with the $100.00 registration fee.

When they gave the award for the person who changed the most, Ira won by a landslide. He was taller, slimmer, and Gay. Everyone was pretty accepting of him and Michael. All the ladies made sure that their dance cards were full. In fact, one of Ira's former classmates who was on the prowl for his next ex-wife, asked one of the gals to dance, and she replied "Ira and I have the next couple." He stared at her for the longest time, trying to figure out why. Ira walked over and said, "If you want to get a girl to dance, just tell her your Gay." They both chuckled, but he ended up using that suggestion, successfully.

Michael and Ira were so tired, they decided to sleep late on Saturday. While on a walk around the Northwestern University, they saw Phyllis. Before they knew what was happening, she crossed the street and in a foul tone said, "So, your back, and you brought your girl with you." No response was needed, they simply turned around and walked away. "I see she hasn't mellowed any," Michael said sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed," Ira said with a grin.

Mount Olympus!

2009-09-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

Ira was excited to be one of the creative directors to work on the 1984 Olympics' campaign. He had now idea how exciting until 14 Eastern Bloc countries and allies, including the Soviet Union, Cuba and East Germany refused to participate in the 1984 Olympics. Even though the USSR announced its intentions on May 8, 1984, citing security concerns and claiming that "chauvinistic sentiments and an anti-Soviet hysteria were being whipped up in the United States, Ira saw it as revenge for the boycott of the 1980 Moscow Games, enforced by President Jimmy Carter, in response to the 1979 Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan.

Ira and Michael had many passionate discussions about all the political drama. And there was so much going on with 140 participating Nations, 6,829 athletes, 221 events in 23 sports all at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum between July 28th and August 12th.

Ira would not have been able to continue living peacefully with Michael had he not brought him to meet President Ronald Reagan when he officially opened the Games. It was an incredible moment that passed in 15 seconds, but had a lifelong memory.

Turkey Surprise!

2009-09-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

When Ira and Michael invited Rebecca Stone for Thanksgiving, nothing was further from their minds than her bringing Ira's Father for a visit, although refusing a ride from the airport should have been the first clue.

They rushed to the door after the bell rang. There they were, "We're here," Rebecca said with her arms open for hugs. Michael rushed up for the first hug and guided her in the house. After a long pause, "Hi Son," Jacob offered, "you look well." "You too Dad."
After a what seemed like an eternity, "Can I come in?" "Sorry, of course. You and Mom are going to be in the second bedroom on the left ... Let me take your bag." 'I got it, thanks." and Ira's Dad carried it into the guest bedroom.

"Pictures don't do your home justice," Rebecca gushed. She caught Jacob rolling his eyes and shot him "the look," everyone caught it, especially Jacob. "You guys did really well for your selves." "Thanks Dad ... so how was your trip?" Ira thought it would be best to keep conversation superficial and small.

After a day of traveling, the Stones retired about 10:00 p.m. (that was midnight Chicago time). In the morning, Jacob joined the others in the kitchen. The smell of fresh brewed coffee, French Toast made from home made bread, fresh squeezed orange juice and scrambled eggs put a huge smile on his face. "Now this is what I call breakfast, how come you don't make this at home Becca?" "Our Boys made you this feast, not me." He got a sheepish grin on his face and replied "I guess that's why I don't get this at home." It was the most playful Ira had seen his Dad in years.

Michael had printed up Google Maps to LA Art and Auto Museums so that the Stones could enjoy the day while he and Ira prepared for Thanksgiving dinner. Upon their return, the home spelled of sage, rosemary and thyme. Jacob noticed the table was set for eight. "Who's coming for dinner?" "A few friends, really nice people." Shortly after, Paul, Cathy, Pam, and Stu came in clucking. "Wow, everything smells great." "Glad I starved all day for this." "I'll diet tomorrow." "I'm moving in."

After the introductions, Michael brought out a tray of hors d'ourves and Chardonnay with toasts to the holiday season. By the end of dinner, everyone groaned from too much food, and yet, they all had room for coffee and home made pumpkin pie.

That evening was as perfect as they come, in fact, the entire weekend was perfect and would become a yearly tradition.

We're Valley Boys!

2009-09-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

With 6 weeks left on their lease, Ira and Michael frantically search for their new home. Naturally they wanted to stay on the "West Side," but their budget had "Valley" written all over it.

Ira always told his clients, "you have your choice of 3 options: Quick, Brilliant, and Cheap. You can have a great promo and make a tight deadline, but it won't be cheap." He never dreamed that one day a realtor would throw those words back to him, except the 3 options were Location, Move-in Condition, and Affordability.

Their checklist was simple, and yet seemed unattainable: 3 bedroom, 2 bath with great traffic flow and move-in condition, in a nice Gay friendly neighborhood that was in move-in condition for a great price. That is until 3-weeks before they needed to move.

Their agent called and said he wanted them to see a house in Van Nuys. Reluctantly, Ira and Michael went over the hill. And there it was, the perfect house. A mid-sixties California Ranch with a cottage look in a great neighborhood and within budget. As soon as they walked through the front door and saw the huge living room, dinning room and fireplace with huge patio doors leading to a well landscaped back yard, they knew they were home.

The home offered everything they were looking for. Plus, the sellers were very motivated since they needed to move into their new condo in 3-weeks. As the Jews say, it was bashert (meant to be).

Ira was like a runaway train, hitting stores like they were passenger platforms, barely stopping long enough before the doors closed moving to the next station. Those 3-weeks moved so fast that it was a blur. Finally, move in day came. Ira and Michael had coordinated deliveries and installations like a Mozart concerto. At the end of the day, they collapsed before they could even put the sheets on the bed.

The next morning a truck had arrived with a very large box. It took two men and a huge dolly to bring it in the house. Ira didn't have a clue as to it's contents. It was like Hanukkah in August. As they carefully removed the corrugated casing, their eyes widened. Rebecca had sent her mother's mahogany drum table with a tooled leather top. Inside there was a small box, the Mezuzah that guarded the entrance of Ira's grandmother's home.

They held each other tightly. Nothing could be more perfect for their new life than family heirlooms sent with love.

California Here We Come!

2009-09-12T18:43:00.001-07:00

Ira and Michael were finally ready for their big move to Los Angeles after six months of preparation. In addition to arranging employment and closing up their apartment, they attended nearly 35 memorial services for friends that had died from AIDS between Autumn of '82 and Spring of '83.

May 1st came with ambivalence. Once the car was packed (just enough room for clothes and other essentials), Ira and Michael met Rebecca for breakfast at Desiree in Downtown Skokie. Letting go of her boys was the tough for her, but they needed to move on with their lives. All they had in Chicago was family drama and disapproval.

"As soon as we get settled, we'll fly you out for an extended holiday." while Ira was hugging his Mom so tightly she could barely breath. Michael took his turn and kissed her on the cheek softly, "we'll call you at our rest stops along the way." Rebecca just stared as they got in their car and left, unable to cry anymore tears.

Ira called his Mom when he and Michael stopped in Des Moines, Denver, Las Vegas and finally arriving in Los Angeles. They were pretty tired by the end of their trip. The car was coughing as they pulled into a West Hollywood gas station as if to say, "I'm done!" Even the map mangled and torn beyond usability. So they did what other Gay couples did on Sunday morning, the went to the French Quarter restaurant on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Over breakfast they looked at "Apartments for Rent" in Frontiers Magazine (a local Gay rag), and noticed a furnished guest house for sublet only a few blocks away on Romaine Street. "I'll call," Michael announced and within 2 hours they were signing a three month lease. Although very small with few amenities, the guest house was clean and in a safe area which made Rebecca Stone relieved.

The boys would have a few months to get settled and familiarize themselves with the city. Michael was reporting to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center the next day and Ira had was starting at Leo Burnett, USA. The 4 day vacation was over.

Are You Staying Or Leaving?

2009-09-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

Ira was in Detroit for a creative meeting with Ford. He took Michael with him as he usually did on work related travel. But on this trip, when the couple was enjoying a drink at the Adam's Apple on West Warren Avenue, they were spotted by a close friend of Phyllis'. "Hello Ira, who's your friend?" "Michael, this is Phyllis' friend Paula Gray. Paula, this is Michael Davis."

After she left, Michael asked "Are you OK?" "Paula isn't happy unless she is stirring-up shit. I'm sure she can't wait to call Phyllis." "But this is a Gay bar, what was she doing here?" "I'm not sure." He became pre-occupied with how she found him. This was a "man's" bar. Does Phyllis suspect? Did she pre-arrange this with Paula? Michael held his hand and just listened.

When they got back to the Hilton, Ira stopped at the front desk to see if there were any messages, and sure enough, Paula had called. The note read "Phyllis said you were in town. I'll catch up with you later." Ira just sighed and led the way to their room. "Maybe this is for the best, I can't keep living a lie, it's not fair to any of us, but especially Phyllis. I"m going to tell her when we get home."

The next morning the phone rang at 5:00 a.m., it was Phyllis. she was drunk and enraged. "How could you do this to me you fagot?" were among the many vulgar comments she shouted into the phone.

Ira hoped that the house was in one piece by the time he got home, and upon arrival, everything seemed okay. He had just opened the door and notices several suitcases sitting off to the side. Phyllis was on the stairs, sloshing her drink. "Are you staying or leaving?" she asked. "We need to talk... ," but before he could complete another word, she screamed, "get the fuck out of my house queer!" followed by her tossing her drink and cutting Ira on the forehead. "I said GET OUT!"

Ira felt the blood rolling down the right side of his face, looked at his bloody hand and walked to the kitchen to grab a paper towel. Phyllis ran to the knife drawer, pulled out the largest knife and shook it at him. "Don't think I won't do it. And what court would convict me after what you did to me." Ira quietly turned around, opened the front door, grabbed his suitcases and left and never went back. When Ira arrived at Michael's apartment, he was welcomed in with, "it's OK, your home now."

Phyllis' calls were relentless. They became more angry and surreal with each passing day. She even told Ira that she had slept with his father, a real man. Ira just wanted out. He gave her everything, there were no contest to any of the charges of infidelity.

Finally after six months the ordeal was finally over. Jacob had no use for either of them anymore. He was ashamed and disappointed. Even his wife couldn't soften his heart where their son was concerned. She would meet with her boys secretly, but all of this drama began taking it's tole on her. Ira thought it would be best if they just moved to California. "I'll call you every week when he's not home," Ira assured his Mom, "it's better this way." None of them really believed that to be true.

AIDS The Gay Plague

2009-09-09T05:00:00.001-07:00

News across America - An alarming increase in the reports Kaposi's Sarcoma and Pneumocystis in gay men was announced by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

There was a big difference for Ira between reading about AIDS in the news and having his art director, Steve Johnson die from it on the weekend of August 29, 1981. The were more than co-workers, he was like a brother to Ira.

Since Steve didn't have any family to speak of, Ira made all of the arrangements. He wrote the obituary, picked up the ashes from the crematorium, and organized the memorial service.

At least 100 of Steve's chosen family and friends showed up at the MCC Church in New Town. There was one familiar face, Ira's NIU room mate Michael Davis. Without thinking, he ran up to him and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. It took a moment, but Michael responded in kind. He asked, "Did you do all of this for Steve?" Tears started to roll down Ira's cheek and all he could do was nod.

After the service, the two went to the Melrose on Broadway to catch-up with a cup of coffee. So much had happened since they last saw each other. Michael was a physical therapist at Lutheran General Hospital, and Ira was a creative director for the auto group at J. Walter Thompson. They talked about everything except the white elephant in the room, Ira's wedding band.

Finally, as they were leaving the coffee shop, Michael asked if they could get together again. Ira lowered his head, "I want to, but...". "Your married, I understand. But can't we be friends?" Ira reached out and hugged Michael whispering in his ear, "but, I want more." The couple kissed on Broadway and Melrose, in front of God and everyone.

They both knew that this moment was the beginning of a lifelong love affair.

For Better Or Worse!

2009-09-08T04:45:00.000-07:00

Phyllis was like a daughter to Jacob Stone. Only Rebecca understood that she was used to validate Ira to her husband. She loved her too, but was sure that marriage was not the best solution for her son. She knew he was special, and often told her husband that their son had the "Blue Gene." Whether he understood his wife or not, he simply ignored the comment and reveled in the battle won.

The Stones paid for a simple wedding and gave the young couple a small frame house in Rogers Park to start their future together. Although it needed a lot of work, Jacob and Ira transformed the fixer-upper into a perfect cottage for a young family.

Everything was picture perfect on the outside, but inside, Ira became anxious and distant. Phyllis was so happy planning the wedding, she was oblivious to Ira's anxiety.

The night before their wedding, Ira's friends gave him a bachelor party that he would never remember. It is hard to remember anything with three Long Island Ice Teas in your system. But everyone else would never forget the Groom's vulgar, drunken stupor. Comments that would never be repeated.

Phyllis spent the night at the Stone's home with an old fashion slumber party. Rebecca and the bridesmaids played parlor games till midnight. The next morning, hair, nails and dresses were on the agenda. When Phyllis was dressed, she was simply glowing. Rebecca got lost in the moment and began to think everything was going to be fine. But it wasn't really. November 4th arrived with a huge headache for Ira. It took 12 cups of coffee, his father, and the groomsmen to get him back together again. No one spoke of the night before, especially not Jacob.

When Ira saw his bride at Congregation Bnai Emmunah, all doubts and anxiety seemed to pass, if only for a while.

Will You Marry Me?

2009-09-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

Phyllis Lane was an only child who lost her father when she was a Freshman at Evanston High School. She did not have a great relationship with her mother and it became worse in the Summer of 1979 when she remarried. Phyllis' stepfather thought it was ridiculous to pay for a girl to go to school, so she was forced to leave NIU before her Senior year.

Ira asked Phyllis to move in with him at his Lincoln Park apartment. It was conveniently located to DePaul University while he was attending for his MBA in Integrated Marketing Communications. She didn't have to think twice. Before he could utter the words, "I think we should live to...," she was unpacking her belongings.

Jacob and Rebecca offered to pay Phyllis' tuition so that she could finish her Bachelors Degree, however, she was content with secretarial work and living with Ira.

Her tough extrovert personality was a great camouflage for her insecurity. No matter how much Ira and his family and friends showed love and support, she was always the girl that just wasn't good enough. Jacob thought by being a strong father figure in her life would eventually reverse the battle scars of her youth, but Rebecca knew that was not a cure-all for the hurts she had endured. Ira seemed to be oblivious, however, he felt even more pressure to suck-it-up and be the fix-it man. His father often said, "men have to take care of their women, you have to take charge and be strong for her."

Ira worked very hard to finish his MBA in 12 months so that he could provide for Phyllis. With degree in hand, he did what was expected, he proposed to Phyllis. With one question, "will you marry me?," he made his parents, his family and friends all very happy. Phyllis even relaxed immediately and seemed more secure than ever before.

Ira wondered why he wasn't happy when everyone else was. What did they know that he didn't ... or did they?

Ira's Homecoming Queen!

2009-09-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

Jacob didn't have to worry about Michael being his son's room mate at NIU because he left and continued his Pre-Med at the University of Chicago. That being said, Ira still followed his father's suggestion of getting a small single off-campus apartment.

The Stones had scoped-out and located the apartment during a summer weekend. It was clean and furnished which satisfied Rebecca. It was fairly close to campus, and that was good enough for Ira. And well, no room mates was all that Jacob really cared about.

Once settled in his new digs, Ira felt a little disconnected from his friends and so he ended-up studying at the library and going to more events than in his first three years combined.

It was so typical for Ira to watch sporting events through his camera lens, and the Homecoming Game at NIU was no exception. Later, when reviewing his prints, Ira noticed a girl wrapped in a parka. Who was this Homecoming Queen?

A week or so later, while waiting to meet with his career counselor, she passed Ira in the hall and dropped her books. Naturally, Ira moved-in quickly to assist. Their eyes connected and it was magic! "Hi." "Thanks, I am so clumsy, my name is Phyllis Lane," she said softly. "Glad to help. I'm Ira Stone," and so it began.

When Ira asked if he could bring Phyllis home for Thanksgiving, nobody hesitated, especially Jacob. Upon their arrival, Ira's Dad was actually very charming. He gave Phyllis his arm and whisked her into the house. Ira offered his arm to his Mom. Rebecca took it with a broad smile and they followed right behind.

Although, Ira and Phyllis had developed a physical relationship, in the Stone home, they were both virgins. Phyllis stayed in Ira's room, and Ira slept on the sleeper sofa in his Dad's office. That first night, Ira quietly went to his room and carefully opened the door which released a long, irritating squeak. Rebecca's quick arrival startled Ira, but seeing his Mom with her arms crossed and "the look" made him turn around and go back to bed.

The Thanksgiving dinner of 1978 was by far the most tasty. They ate until everyone groaned and could not take another bite.

When Ira and Phyllis were leaving, Jacob put his arm around his son and softly said, "don't mess this up, she's a keeper!" Turning and seeing his Girl and his Mom exchanging hugs drove the message home clearly. Ira knew what was expected. The decision had been made. There was no room for disappointment.

I'm Not Gay, I'm Just Your Room Mate!

2009-09-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

Jacob and Rebecca helped Ira pack up his 1956 Mercedes 190 SL the morning he was leaving for his Junior year at NIU. Goodbyes were always tough for his Mom, so Ira gave her a big bear hug with "only 12 weeks to Thanksgiving." "Let him go, Becca," Jacob said impatiently as he slapped his son on the shoulder and walked back in the house.

Ira got in his car, so stuffed that it had stretch marks. He pulled away slowly and waved farewell to his Mom.

The trip seemed longer than usual. He thought about Michael. He had not heard from him all summer and was looking forward to catching up. While he was driving, Rose Royce's "Car Wash" and the Eagles "Hotel California" blasted over the radio on WLS.

Ira got excited when he arrived at the NIU campus. He stopped by his dormitory, put on the parking brakes and unloaded the duffle bags, and boxes curbside. He glanced up at the building and then glanced down at all his stuff and sighed. He had a duffle bag on each arm and hand carried the two boxes up to the second floor. Walking down the hall there were lots of hellos from friends. He entered room 222 (not the TV series), and dropped off his gear. Ira ran down to the car to park it in the lot, and Michael was arriving upon his return. "How was your summer?" he asked. Michael just looked down. "My parents are getting divorced," he finally replied. "Sorry, are you OK?" Michael didn't answer but Ira though it was time take him to DeKalb's East Lincoln Highway for a drink.

Both wearing jeans and leather jackets, hopped into Ira's car and drove into town. Over a brew, Michael gave some sorted details. He really hated leaving his younger sister, but his parents insisted and told him it was best. The pair clinked their mugs and toasted to new beginnings.

Time seemed to fly by, before he knew it, Ira was going home for Thanksgiving. He asked his Mom if it was okay to bring Michael, and of course it was. Nothing made Rebecca happier than cooking lots of food.

When they arrived in Skokie the day before Thanksgiving, Jacob gave them a very cool reception. Rebecca had set up a cot in Ira's room for Michael. While unpacking, Ira overheard his father saying, "They look like a couple of fairies." Ira felt very uncomfortable, but his Mom saved the weekend with her demonstrative hospitality. Ira really enjoyed the holiday. She had the capacity to love unconditionally. That weekend, Michael became her second son. When it came time to leave, she packed up lots of leftovers so her boys would not go hungry.

On the way back to NIU, Michael said, "Your father knows." "Knows what?" "I'm Gay." Ira gripped the steering wheel tightly. He tried to think of something to say. "You are too, right?" Michael asked. "I'm not Gay, I'm just your room mate," Ira blurted out. "Do you want me to move?" was Michael's next question. Ira felt bad, but he couldn't get any words out.

They were silent the rest of the trip, and did not talk about it the rest of the year, but that question remained silently on Ira's mind.

Carter Peanuts!

2009-09-04T11:03:00.001-07:00

Ira voted in his first presidential election after Nixon's Watergate debacle. He supported Democrat Jimmy Carter, former Governor of Georgia who was elected President in the 1976.

Coming from a Democratic family, the choice was simple - comply or feel the wrath of Stone! Not only did his family declare themselves "Democrats," but his father's brother, Uncle Joshua, was an elected Illinois State Representative. His son, Cousin David, had been working in campaign offices since he was 5 years old. So as you can see, the only logical presidential candidate was Jimmy Carter.

During one of the Democratic rallies, Ira met a 16 year old "braniac" named Michael Davis who was an event volunteer. He looked more mature than his age. He also came from a Democratic family like Ira, so they had a little in common. Their courses of study couldn't be more different. Ira was majoring in marketing and minoring in computer science, while Michael was in pre-med. Differences aside, they still developed a nice friendship.

At the end of Ira's Sophomore year at Northern Illinois University, Ira's dorm room mate, Isaac, announce he was transferring to MIT. Michael agreed to room with Ira the following year.

Jacob was not keen on Ira's choice of a new room mate, there was something about him, he just couldn't figure it out. He preferred Isaac, thought he was a good influence on his son. Rebecca, as always, dismissed her husband's "gut feelings."

In later years, Michael and Jacob did not see eye-to-eye on most things.

New Look, New Car!

2009-09-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

Ira shot up 6 inches and lost 25 pounds the summer before his Freshman year at NIU. His appearance and confidence changed dramatically. By the time he came home for Winter Break, Jacob and Rebecca hardly recognized their son. He was lean and had a beard and handlebar mustache.

It was a great holiday for the Stones. Ira felt like a celebrity at get-togethers with friends and family. Jacob had never been so proud of his son, he was now a self assured man lots going for him: smarts, looks, and popularity.

Ira discussed various career paths with his Dad. Jacob expressed his hope that his son would join him in the family business. Previously in office machines, Sun Office had recently jumped into the computer age with Wang Laboratories business computer line. Ira decided to major in marketing and minor in computer graphics. An MBA would be useful for any business.

Once back at school, Ira focused on his studies with little time for socializing. His first semester grades were very promising, A's across the board. Naturally, the Stones had to reward their son for such accomplishments.

When Ira came home for Spring Break, there was a White 1956 Mercedes 190 SL with black leather interior and black convertible top in the driveway in cherry condition. It had a big red bow tied on it. Jacob and Rebecca came out of the house with the key and gave it to Ira. "What's this?" he asked. "We are so proud of you." Rebecca answered. "And it's a great chick magnet to boot!" Jacob whispered with a grin.

Ira would remember this moment for the rest of his life.

So This Is What a Penguin Feels Like!

2009-09-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

Ira Stone and Fran Stein both belonged to the Glee Club, but had never dated. About 2 months before the Senior Prom, Ira asked Fran out on a date and set up her friend Barb Cohen with his friend Ed Goodman, Ed and Ira had been friends since Ira's Bar Mitzvah. The foursome continued to double every weekend including Senior Prom.

The girls went shopping together for their formals and the boys went to Tuxedo Junction to rent their first tuxes. Everything looked great on Ed cause he was slim, but everything that Ira tried on made him feel like an over-stuffed penguin. Finally, he settled on a dark blue tux.

The night before Prom, the boys picked-up the tuxes and corsages. They talked about taking the girls to the Indiana Dunes that weekend. A great make-out place to be sure, after all, wasn't that what Prom was really about.

Rebecca Stone let her son borrow her 1972 Chevelle Malibu for the special weekend. Ira first picked up Ed and then they picked up the girls at Fran's house. Ira could not believe his eyes when Fran came into the living room. He didn't even notice Ed and Barb. Fran had died her hair blond, wore a beautiful gown and topped it of with a fur stole. She looked like a movie star. He was so proud that she was going to Prom with him.

When the foursome walked into the Knickerbocker Hotel, all eyes followed them. This time, they weren't nerds, they were classmates.

That summer, both couples broke up, but Ira continued his friendship with all.

Don't Make Me Do it Again!

2009-08-31T11:57:00.001-07:00

Ira was a good student, however, his achilles heel was gymnastics. He was able to muddle through sit-ups, push-ups and maybe even a pull-up or 2, but the test of his strength and endurance with the rings, horse, rope climbing, balance beam, etc., were extremely difficult.

At the end of his Junior year at Niles North, Ira had to pass rope climbing, just to take home a D- grade. He felt hopeless, how was he going to manage to pass gym.

On the day of the test, Ira arrived dressed in the gymnasium about a half hour early. All he could do is stare at the rope that was hanging from the beams above. He shook his head, not sure whether to stay or leave. As he turned back towards the boys locker room, Ira was met by Rick Zin, a super athlete who was as nice as he was talented. "You got to climb that today to pass?" he asked. Ira looked down at the floor and just nodded. Rick continued, "How 'bout I get the ladder, when Coach comes in you can reach up one arm and you're done." Ira smiled with relief .

That's how it went down. Rick grabbed the ladder from the equipment closet, Ira climbed to the top and secured the rope around his right leg and left hand. The ladder was returned and out of site by the time Coach Bauer came in. With a loud grunt, Ira reached up and grabbed the top of the rope. "Good job Stone," Coach shouted. 'Did I pass? I don't have to do it again do I?" Ira responded and smiled when he heard, "You Passed!"

Neither Rick nor Ira ever mentioned it again and only saw each other in common classes, but Ira never forgot his kindness.

Mud Bath

2009-08-27T23:46:00.000-07:00

Ira was very self conscious about his body. In addition to being overweight, he was much less developed than the other boys his age. Undressing in front of the other Sophomores was torture, and taking a shower in front of them was a fate worse than death.

The Friday before Halloween, tricks at Niles North were flying faster than a Boeing 727. The nerds were wearing "Kick Me" signs on their backs, the brainiac's books were missing in action, and the fat kids were gathered like livestock, covered in mud.

The day was almost over. Ira though he might complete the day without incident. However, after Coach Cress's class, Ira waited until the last athlete left the locker room. He checked every corner to make sure everyone was gone and he had privacy. Once assured of safety, he took off his gym clothes and quickly ran into the showers. He went to the back corner for extra caution.

Ira did not hear the entire class including Coach Cress come into the shower. When he was finished he turned around and had 15 buckets of mud thrown on him. His feet started sliding and lost his balance. Once on the shower floor, it was nearly impossible to stand up. Ira was completely covered and held back the tears as everyone yelled "sewwiee" and "oink oink."

When the coach and jocks had finished their torture, Ira showered all the mud off, got dressed quickly and rode his Schwinn home.

Ira never told his Dad about his mud bath, but showered at home after school from that day forward. Some years later when a friend had joined a commune, he laughed to himself, "ix-nay on public showers!"

Donkey Basketball

2009-08-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

Coach Wright convinced Ira to play Donkey Basketball for Niles North against Evanston. Ira knew what basketball was, but this sounded pretty hinky to him. Coach explained that the sport was invented during the 1930s and remained a popular sport in the Midwest. The two four-player teams have to shoot hoops while riding on the donkeys.

Ira thought that would be fun cause everyone would be clumsy on a donkey, kinda leveling the playing field. When his Dad got home from work that night, Ira told him he signed up to play Donkey Basketball. "They are all going to laugh at you," he said, squelching Ira's enthusiasm. Rebecca chimed in with "your son is going to be playing sports." Jacob just shook his head, walked over to his chair and started reading his newspaper.

On the day of the game, Ira woke up excited. He was in a great mood all day, despite what his father thought. Once on the court, the animals were just laying down. Ira ran out to his donkey and with a flying leap he landed on the animal's back. The donkey was crushed with his weight and snorted. It stood up and ran towards the bleachers, making a quick u-turn. Ira fell off and the entire audience started laughing.

"I told you they were all going to laugh at him," Jacob said to Rebecca. He stood up and continued with "I've seen enough! I'll wait in the car." Ira and his pride were so hurt, he never took a shot.

No one spoke in the Stone's car on the way home and it was never discussed again. Many years later, PETA had denounced donkey basketball as animal cruelty. But to Ira, it would always be an old sports injury that mainly hurt his pride.

A Rite of Passage!

2009-08-24T07:15:00.001-07:00

Jacob and Ira, were tossing a football back and forth while Rebecca prepares the picnic table. Ira was awkward and clumsy, fumbling with the ball with the ball almost always hitting the ground.

Ira's Dad was much to upset about this and said "He acts like a sissy. His Bar Mitzvah is 2 months away, and he can't even catch a lob pass. It's embarrassing." He was speaking to Rebecca as if Ira wasn't around and could not hear the jibes.

Ira was stunned by his father's words. He stares up at Jacob in disbelief and hurt.

Jacob walks towards Ira and added insult to injury with "Stop acting like a girl, you are a disappointment to me." After he dropped the bomb, he turns to walk towards Young Rebecca.

Ira rises to his feet and prepares the football in his hand. He hurls it at back of his father's head ... BAM! Jacob turns towards his son, shocked and amazed at the force of the ball. Ira walks slowly and angrily to the picnic table. Jacob looks toward Rebecca in amazement. Rebecca smiles, "You asked for it. One things sure, the apple didn't fall far from the tree!"

Two months later, when Ira read his Haftorah at his Bar Mitzvah, Jacob kvelled with nachis. He couldn't have been more proud.

Later in life, Ira's Bar Mitzvah was one of his happiest memories of childhood.

Any Excuse to Get Out of School!

2009-08-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Rebecca got a call from the school nurse, Ira had a 104 degree temperature and was doubled over in pain. She rushed to the school and picked up her son. Within minutes, Ira was in the emergency room at Lutheran General Hospital.

While waiting she called Jacob. He rushed out of his office and raced to the hospital. When he arrived, he found Rebecca crying in the waiting room. "What is it?" he lovingly asked. "Ira's appendix burst. The doctor said that because he is overweight it's very serious. He is already in Surgery," she cried. Jacob cried too. He held his wife tightly as they both sobbed. "We should go to the surgical waiting room," he suggested. They walked over, holding each other in silence.

It seemed forever before the surgeon came to talk to the Stones about their son. "He's ok, we got to him before the poison could spread. He has a drainage tube which will come out in about a week. He should probably rest a week at home before going back to school," Doctor Goldfarb explained.

Suddenly with the fear of the unknown over, Jacob started to laugh, "Ira will use any excuse to get out of school." After Rebecca hit her husband in the arm, she smiled and giggled too.

Ira had lost 18 pounds in those two weeks. When he went back to school, he looked as though he had been on vacation, well rested and svelte!

The Truth Hurts!

2009-08-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

From June 5 to 10, 1967, the Stone's were glued to their television set as most Jewish families. It was the Six Day War between the Israel army and the armies of neighboring states of Egypt, Jordan and Syria. The Arab states of Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Tunisia, Morocco and Algeria also contributed troops and arms. At the war's end, Israel had gained control of the Sinai Peninsula, the Gaza Strip, the West Bank , East Jerusalem, and Golan Heights.

Ira did not understand exactly what was going on, but it was clear, even to him that the Jews were being attacked from all sides. Jacob would explain to him that because their family was Jewish, they had dual citizenship, the USA and Israel and that "our people" would win the war.

At the end of his second year of Hebrew School, Mr. Sokolov brought in a newspaper from Israel and translated the article about Israel's victory into english so the class would understand and could discuss it.

When Ira got home, he told his Dad that he wanted to fight in the Israeli army. Jacob started to laugh and explained that even if Ira was old enough, he would just be in the way. Ira was crushed and left the living room mumbling, "you'll see!"

Rebecca had overheard the conversation from the kitchen and let Jacob know that he should not underestimate their son. "No sense in telling the boy lies" he answered, "he'll never be a soldier in any man's army."

Jacob was right, when Ira was 18 years old and went for his Physical for the Viet Nam War, he was classified 4-F and never served.

Sex Education, Family Style!

2009-08-20T10:48:00.001-07:00

Rebecca felt relieved that Ira never questioned them about sex. She was not sure whether to stick with the stork or move to the birds and bees. Jacob had learned on the streets of Chicago's old West side If that was good enough for him, it was good enough for his son.

But Ira's wise cousin Kenny (a whole nine months his elder), decided there was no time to waste, it was time for his cousin to learn the facts about SEX!

While all Ira's aunts, uncles and grand parents were chatting after a delicious Thanksgiving meal, Kenny explained to Ira that babies come after a man inserts his penis into a women's vagina. If that wasn't traumatic enough, and to Ira's horror, vaginas have teeth and is sex is not done properly, the man's penis is cut off.

Until November 24, 1966, Ira never asked his parents about sex. He waited until this moment, in front of all his relatives. Jacob and Rebecca were in shock, they didn't know how to respond to their son. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Jacob said, "Tomorrow I will answer all your questions about sex." But Ira never asked again.

After a failed marriage and Ira's coming out as a Gay man, Jacob always wondered if he should have taken his son right then and there in his room and explain the facts of life. But Ira learned the same way his father did, except it was on the streets of New Town, a Gay neighborhood in Chicago. Viva la difference!

Spit Out the Chew!

2009-08-19T23:52:00.000-07:00

Jacob wanted his son to be Bar Mitzvahed which was not going to be possible in Alsip, Illinois where there wasn't a Synagog and only two Jewish families. So in the summer of 1965, the Stones moved to Skokie Illinois. A village with five Jewish Temples and over 40,000 Jewish families.

Ira missed his friends in Alsip. He also knew that there were not going to be any Christmas Trees in his neighborhood, but he just had to tough it out!

September 9, 1965 was the first day Jane Stenson School. Ira's teacher's name was Miss Lynd. She was the tallest and toughest fourth grade teacher in the school, but Ira really liked her. There were no paper airplanes or spit-balls flying in her class!

The school was only three blocks from home, but Ira rode his Schwinn Stingray to and from. His Dad gave it to him as reward for not making a big deal about the move to Skokie.

September 9th was also the first day of Hebrew School. So as soon as he got home, his Mom drove him to Congregation Bnai Emmunah. On the drive over, he popped a full wad of Bazooka Bubble Gum in his mouth, chewing and blowing bubbles like it was the last day on Earth.

Ira wasn't in the classroom for five minutes when Mr. Rosen walked up to him, held his hand in front of his mouth and in a heavy accent said, "spit out the chew!" Ira did as he was told, and to his shock, the Hebrew school teacher put the gum on the tip of his nose. Ira wore the badge of honor until the end of class, enduring 2 hours of giggles and snickers.

After that day, Ira learned to swallow his gum if he was ever caught chewing.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2009-08-19T00:36:00.000-07:00

Rebecca tuned into the Ed Sullivan Show every Sunday night after dinner. But on February 9, 1964, at 8 p.m - rock music history was made when the Beatles made their first appearance. Ira's eyes were glued to small black & white television set in the living room. Jacob fell asleep in his chair after a wonderful roast beef dinner.

During their appearance, the Beatles sang five songs: All My Loving, Till There Was You, She Loves You, I Saw Her Standing There, and I Want To Hold Your Hand. Ira was dancing, shaking his hands up and down to the beat. At the end of the show, he asked his Mom if she could cut his hair like John Lennon. Rebecca smiled and said, "not even if it was your birthday would I cut your hair like that!"

But it was time to take action! Mom just did not understand how important it was to look like John Lennon, so, Ira had a plan "B". He quietly went to the kitchen and grabbed his cereal bowl from the cabinet. Ira stuffed the bowl in his shirt. Then he went into his Dad's office and took a pair of scissors out of the drawer.

In the bathroom with the door locked, Ira placed the bowl on the top of his head. He began cutting all the hair that stuck out of the bowl. Unfortunately, Ira did not look like John Lennon, in fact, he looked like he put his hair in a meat grinder.

After a while, Rebecca asked Ira to come out of the bathroom, but he was afraid to open the door. Minutes later, Jacob told Ira to come out. Hesitantly, he opened the bathroom door. "What did you do to yourself," Ira's Dad Barked. He looked down at the floor and asked his Mom is she could fix it, but his Dad said, "No!"

Ira did not want to go to school the next day, but his Father insisted. After the worst day of his young life, Rebecca took her son to the barber shop - the crew cut looked just fine.

After Ira lost his hair, he was glad that he didn't have to worry about it any more.

Big Boys Don't Cry!

2009-08-18T01:29:00.001-07:00

On November 22, 1963, the principal entered Miss. Dinkell's second grade classroom. He instructed her to turn on the classroom television. All of the students at Stoney Creek Elementary School watched the announcement that President Kennedy had been assassinated.

Ira and all of the girls started crying at the news. All of the other boys threw paper airplanes or blew spit-balls through their straws. The airplanes flew all over the room, but most of their spit-balls hit Ira.

Rebecca Stone came to the school to pick up her son who by that time was crying uncontrollably. She put her arm around him and guided him home.

When Jacob got home after work, the black and white television was turned on immediately. Ira came in from his bedroom and immediately started crying. "What are you crying about now?" Jacob barked. Rebecca came in the room and flashed Jacob a look and he turned around and did not say another word until bedtime.

This was one of the few times that Ira barely touched his dinner. He asked to be excused and both his parents nodded. "Go talk to him Jack," Rebecca urged. With a rolling of the eyes, Jacob got up from the dinner table and went into Ira's bedroom. "Big boys don't cry Son, they just tough it out!" as he turned around and walked out of the room

That was the day that Ira learned to hide his feelings, at least from his Dad.

But We're Jewish!

2009-08-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

Being one of the two Jewish families in the neighborhood had it's challenges.

Mrs. Jones baby-sat for Ira while Rebecca and Jacob went to a bowling banquet in 1962. Upon their arrival home, Mrs. Jones announced that Ira was asleep. Rebecca quietly opened his bedroom door just enough to confirm he was in dreamland.

The next evening at bedtime when Rebecca was checking to see if Ira had washed his hands 'n face and brushed his teeth, she witnessed her son on his knees praying to Jesus. She immediately ran to Jacob and both returned to Ira's bedroom. By this time, Ira was already in bed smashing is pillow of optimum comfort.

"Who Taught you to pray to Jesus?" Jacob asked his son. "Mrs. Jones" replied Ira.
There was a lot of yelling between Mommy and Daddy that night.

The next morning, Jacob walked over the the Jones house. Ira was eating his Fruit Loops when the door slammed and Jacob returned. "She's never baby-sitting again" he roared. And that was that! Or was it?

Thanksgiving weekend was a long weekend for first graders. The Jones family had all the kids in the neighborhood, including Ira, decorating their tree. When Ira walked in the door with angel wings and rosy cheeks Jacob and Rebecca just stared. "Why are you dressed like that?" Jacob barked. "Mrs. Jones said I made a good Christmas Fairy" Ira answered and before he could ask why they didn't have a Christmas Tree, Jacob ripped off Ira's wings and dragged him to the sink to wash off his rosy cheeks.

Ira was never allowed in the Jones home again after that day, but as an adult, Ira always decorates his Hanukkah bush on Thanksgiving weekend.

GI Joe's not a doll, it's an Action Figure!

2009-08-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

1961 - The first snow had fallen the night before. School was closed so Ira went into the back yard bundled in his snow suit, boots and gloves. While Rebecca was making lunch, he made a snow man almost as tall as he was. Mommy had given him an old scarf, charcoal briquettes for the eyes and mouth, a carrot for the nose and Daddy's old hat. But something was missing - arms! Ira walked over to the new Crabapple Tree that Daddy had just planted in the Spring and broke off 2 branches.

Rebecca called her son in the house and noticed the mangled tree. After lunch she went into the yard with the pruners, and tried to even out the branches so that Jacob wouldn't notice.

Later that same day, gathered in the living-room after dinner, Rebecca asked Ira "What do you want for Hanukkah this Year?" Ira got a big smile and replied "a talking 12 inch GI Joe with real hair, uniform, combat boots, and M1 rifle" (nothing Gay about that :-) a man with uniforms and boots.

Jacob, who had been engrossed in the Chicago Tribune, immediately sets it down on his lap and scolded "My son is not going to play with DOLLs!" Ira's chin practically hit the floor, he was devastated. He tried to explain that Hasbro's GI Joe was not a doll, it's an ACTION FIGURE, but once his father made up his mind, nothing could change it, not even his mother.

On the first night of Hanukkah after lighting the Menorah, Ira opened his first present. Rebecca just covered her face because she didn't want Ira see her laughing. It was an instruction book entitled "Proper Pruning of Fruit Trees."

There were seven other gifts, one for each night, but Ira only remembers the first Hanukkah gift of 1961.